Michael Bay diarrhea
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
