in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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