I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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