Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
