Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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