My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Too much gin, very little bucket
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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