There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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