well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
