I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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