I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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