yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
