that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
