I'm drive I can fine osifer
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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