Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
