i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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