With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
