So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
