if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
