I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
