Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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