oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
