Porn is love you can see.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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