Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
