hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
