He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
