put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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