I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
