yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He better not be in your backpack
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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