I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
