You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
