I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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