i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
