How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
