I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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