Betty ford says i'm here all night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
