I just threw up on my dentist
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
