so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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