do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
