i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
