your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
