she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
