Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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