Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
