I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
