if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
