finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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