im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
where are you?
Hypothermia
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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