I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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