I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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