So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize