dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
